This Year.

This year will go down as one of the worst for me.  The things I dreaded in my life have come to pass.  The worries of getting older, and losing family members always was in the back of my mind.  And this year I lost my mother, and my father-in-law, and this week I lost my aunt.

It is beyond what I could have imagined to be in this phase of my life.  You spend all of your youth never thinking about it.  The years raising a family, too busy to give it a second thought.  And then day by day it sneaks up on you.

I am trying to give myself the attention I never got for most of my life.  Exercising, career opportunities, new friendships.  If I have to go I want to go out smiling.  Life truly is too short.

So for now I am taking a deep breath.  Tomorrow will be another day.  And I need to add this one thing on the eve of my aunt’s funeral tomorrow.  The last time I talked to her it was after my mom’s funeral.  And it was so good to hear my Aunt Terry’s voice.  She had been fighting cancer for quite some time so she sounded frail.  But she still had that beautiful voice that I remembered.  Her voice sounding just like my grandmother’s.

We talked about how sad it was that we had not been able to spend much time together during her life time.  The time we had was special.  I remember her saying this to me, “Just remember that I have always loved you no matter what.”  And I told her that I loved her too.

The economy being what it is, and our finances beyond repair, I will not be able to go to Virginia to say goodbye to her.  But its ok, because I did when I was on the phone to her in June.  And that goodbye was the one I want to remember.

My love to my cousins, Jamie, Michael and Chris.  Believe me I know your hearts are breaking.  I have traveled this road you are on now, just a few short months ago.  I love you.  I thought when Aunt Terry passed that that was it the end of my dad’s family.  There was only the three of them.  But a good friend reminded me that was not the case at all, that there was me, and my sister and the three of you.